When we think of love, especially on Valentine’s Day, we think of romantic love. Romantic love is great and we all love it! It is necessary to keep the species going and, therefore, it is integrated into us.
Dr. Helen Fisher, a leading biological anthropologist, says that romantic love is “one of the most addictive substances in the world.” When we fall in love, our brains serve up a cocktail of feel-good chemicals and light up regions of the brain that are the same as those of a person experiencing a cocaine high. The problem is that we keep looking outside of ourselves to find the feeling of love and we depend on another person or situation to create that feeling for us. Our world of media and entertainment bombards us with the idea that we are not complete until that special someone appears to make us complete. That gives away our power and distracts us from the true source of love, which is within.
When we live from the place of higher love, we can be open to unconditional self-love that allows us to radiate love to others. As Marci Shimoff says in her book Love for No Reason, “You stop onlyfans free trial
being a love beggar and become a love philanthropist, dispensing love, kindness and goodwill wherever you go.” When you don’t love yourself, you actually block the flow of love to the rest of the world and prevent yourself from receiving love from others.
What is unconditional love?
To love unconditionally means that we do not put conditions on love. It is not up to anyone, including ourselves, to act, think or speak in a particular way to win it. It happens, whatever happens. When you love yourself unconditionally, you treat yourself like your best friend.
So how do we connect with that higher and unconditional love within us? Our very essence is love. They just haven’t taught us to tap into our own essence and how to love ourselves. Love is about letting go of fear. The opposite of love is fear. Every negative emotion we have comes from a state of fear: hatred, anger, worry, jealousy. As the Bible says, “There is no fear where love exists.”
Here are some steps to move into a state of love:
1. Have the mindset that you deserve unconditional love.
If you think others deserve it, why would you be any different? Remember that you cannot give to another person what you are not going to give yourself. Give yourself permission to focus on yourself first.
2. Consider your internal dialogue.
How much of that is love? Chances are, much of your inner talk is spent on blame, recrimination, and negativity. This is fear talking to you. What do you secretly believe about yourself or what results do you fear? A common belief is “I am not worthy.” When you find yourself in negative self-talk, just challenge those thoughts and turn them around. Are they really true? Talk to yourself as you would to a dear friend or young child.
3. Celebrate yourself
Watch when a negative thought changes to a loving one and celebrate! Give yourself credit for all the wonderful things you do. Are you taking yourself for granted?
What are the skills, talents, and gifts that you bring to the world? Take a quiet moment and write a list of your skills and accomplishments. If you feel stuck, ask your family and friends. You may be surprised by what they see in you that you don’t. Then return the favor, have a festival of love! Check back frequently and enjoy the joy of having so much going for you!
4. Accept yourself completely